30 Years Going

30 Years Going

Twin-II-Alexandra-Marx-B

Twin-II-Alexandra-Marx-B

Earlier this year, Eric France of PlanetWaves.net requested his readers for their articles on vision quests or in other words, for me… summarized by Amanda Painter, editor of PlanetWaves.net:
“At the age of 13, Jennifer Hillman had a dream that lasted a month, like a TV mini-series. Years later, she realized the vision was unfolding in real life; her childhood imaginary friend turned out to be a real person; and the vision’s young woman was herself, learning many difficult lessons. But the vision is not over yet, as she recounts in Vision Quest: 30 Years Going.”

Vision Quest: 30 Years Going

By Jennifer Hillman

The Vision: At the age of 13, I had a dream that lasted a month; it was like a TV mini-series. It started with flying over an ocean to a group of white box-shaped buildings, isolated and hidden.

Twin II by Alexandra Marx

Twin II by Alexandra Marx

The young woman had turned 19 years old, and she was taken off the island into a large unknown city, and left to find herself and the secret.

Once she knew the secret, she would be able to return home and have all the wonders of the universe available. Her job was to find the secret. She was shown she would get some money each month; she also would need to get a job, find a place to live… and learn life’s lessons.

In the vision she found herself working in a bar-like environment where she danced for a living. She lived up above the bar and the bartender lived across the hall. He ran the place. He helped the young lady learn the ropes, answered her questions. He was very protective of her, yet guarded, so as to try and not to have feelings for her. He still did.

She would meet men and take them upstairs while offering them money to teach her something. Many of the relationships and friendships were short lived and they often took advantage of her naiveté. The bartender would often intervene on her behalf when things got to be too much.

She taught herself how to cook, continuing her education between dances and life lessons. She felt protected even without the bartender around, like someone above was looking down on her as well.

*****

As a child, I always saw another side of reality with invisible friends, angels and guardians, sensing there is more to this life and to focus on the light. My mother called it “an overactive imagination.” Perhaps being born close to the Galactic Center (Dec. 18) has some thing to do with this.

With my invisible friend, D, I planned a life of playing music on the radio and experiencing the world. D wanted just to be a musician. We talked every day in my room, sitting on my bed, listening to the radio while in another realm of imagination; it was safe, real and fun.

After the vision started, connection with D disappeared for a decade or so, even though he was in the vision as the bartender.

Lessons learned in the vision were through relationships, most with men and their intentions as well as women with gain on their mind. In life, I paid for the lessons with these people in emotional growth and cash; I would often be supporting the men and women in my life financially.

The vision-in-action seemed delayed by my getting married one day after my 19th birthday on the 19th of December. On the day of my wedding, I knew before taking the vows that I was alternating my life path by getting married, yet I got married because I didn’t want to embarrass my parents. The marriage lasted 19 years, ending on the same day it started, the 19th of December.

I had gotten the hint to leave the marriage while traveling on a road trip to the east — driving out of what turned out to be the real-life D’s town — when my heart chakra opened as wide as the sky. I soon found out about D, who turned out to be a real person; he had actually followed his dream and became a musician; my heart told me I belonged in that town.

I wasn’t working at the time of my divorce, yet I was able to get a mortgage for a house. I was given a small amount of money every month for support, yet I still needed to find a job and learn the secret, just as I had in the dream. It wasn’t long before the same things happened as in the dream. I quickly found a job as I did in the dream, and started meeting characters from the dream.

Soon, I connected with others who were a part of the dream in the same order as the vision. Meeting men and paying a price for the lessons they taught me and other people, finding out who D was while he was still working on his dream of being a musician, and working as a bartender. I was assisting musicians promote their music.

Once I manifested parts of that dream again and again, I looked more deeply at the people and situations from different perspectives, and considered the lessons to be learned from them. Early on I came to understand the duality to each situation and I learned to see the other’s perspective.

I learned to support myself, though it took me a few relationships for me to figure out how to change the outcome, just as I did in the dream. I learned to appreciate my silence (my spirit), my inner child and my inner voice that I had allowed to be silenced in the past. I saw that I was physically paying for my lessons as I did in the vision, so I went with the flow and let go of expectations from others, after writing down what I had learned from each person and situation. We all pay in some form when boundaries are weakened, or when we learn boundaries in the moment.

I am unsure of the ending of this vision in my life, except that the end of the vision showed me clarity, love and ultimate peace. In the vision, I saw the woman, years later, with a book in her lap, surrounded by the brightest light from a large picture window. She had a little girl (inner child) sitting at her feet playing with building blocks. At this point, I don’t feel I have reached this outcome; yet knowing this possibility gives me guidance and faith to move toward it.

I saw many things during the vision, but I wasn’t quite aware to write it all down. Only when I was reminded after meeting a person or going through a situation did I fully understand the lessons learned from each person.

I came away with a deeper healing of my past childhood experiences of being submissive, and of having allowed myself to be “used” while thinking I was giving. I learned to say no, and that it was okay to do this.

The biggest gift is to know the interconnectedness of humanity, nature and the universe. The difference between listening to the whispering of my heart vs. my ego — with the double-edged sword of perception of other people’s agenda — allowed it all to unfold. Acceptance of the hidden aspects of each relationship brought the healing of past wounds, and deep surrender to life’s uncertainties. Ego doesn’t like uncertainty and can assist you; but when out of balance, it condemns you to repeating the lessons you need to learn.

Listening and observing nature (animals) as a teacher opened my heart to the wisdom needed to relax in these human experiences. For example, allowing people to come in and teach you as you teach them, and then letting them go to live their lives.

The dreams others had for me led me away from my true north. I had to let go of the hurts and wounds by making peace with the disagreements and the unfulfilled thoughts and intentions of others. I had to let myself just appreciate the experience without knowing what the definite outcome would be, and learn to keep myself in my own integrity. Part of that was allowing the magic and powers of the journey be what they are, without being upset when I feel afraid of the outcome. I have seen how the power of intention can be misguided and cause pain through exaggerated or ungrounded idealism.

By following what makes me happy and knowing that my needs will be met one way or another, I have learned to relax and trust. As the vision was in metaphors, the outcome I had in real life caused confusion and angst. I have come to understand the power that stories can play in my mind.

I have changed through the process. I am more present and have fewer goals to focus on. I have known that ideas I am passionate about are ideas that will manifest for me in the right time. I have come to realize I can’t force the outcome and that I have to trust myself more not to do something just to impress others. I have learned more about living in a multi-dimensional reality. I may not achieve the ideas I have in the timeframe I thought necessary, and that is Okay. I am achieving it on some plane through the invisible connection with my highest self.

I enjoy the little simple things in life now. My awareness of triggers is growing, as is my laughter about these little points of the shadow. They are all aspects of me and the more I laugh, the more the shadow fades. I have a different dedication to the peace of moment.

To find love, know you are love and loved. Embrace the moment’s experience.

By writing down what I discovered about myself along the way, I am healing lifetimes of wounds while releasing the energy within them. Nature’s healing presence supports me through walks I would take in the dream. Music played a big part of my dream and my life. I am often told to focus on the music within, knowing it raises my vibration and spirit. Music I am listening to often expresses the feelings of the experience, and to this day still is a healing agent for me.

I am grateful for this vision quest. I do wish I had written it down as it was originally happening so I could see the metaphors more clearly now. I was blessed with the heads-up on what to expect, yet the outcomes can change as we choose. The secret is within us, and focusing on the happiness of being can be all we need to find all the wonders of this world and return home.

I have a radio show, called Abstract Illusions Radio. Sometimes I play D’s music, as D still comes to me in my dreams once in a while, checking in and living strong. If I have the timing right, I still have another 15 years of lessons to go because I delayed the start of the vision in my real life — though I sense the time has been accelerated with the 19-year delay.

Jennifer Hillman is a certified Intuitive Life Coach / Reiki Master and a published writer/poet sharing her services and words on JenniferHillman.com. She supports and celebrates the human potential through her radio show, Abstract Illusions Radio, onWLOR.net. She has two published books of poetry in the series Embracing Souls: Poetry of the Dance and Words of the Heart, which are available on Amazon.

Other Side of Blending

Other Side of Blending

Droplets On a Glass

unknown artist

Mixing and dancing

Oneness open and wild

Able and yearning

For more than just a chance

Music mending the broken hearts

Of broken dreams and promises

Allowing the acceptance

Of learning of the mind to heal

Presence and protection

The heart still with the oneness

The many sides of emotions

Felt on many levels of perception

We stand on the point of blending

Understanding the truth of this dance

Life is Being

Perspective of presence

Connection and intermingling

Magic and Mysteries

Music and Mayhem

Mysticism and Myths

Knowing we are just a puff of smoke

Lingering in the winds of time

in and of LOVE. ~jh

Another Year Gone…

Another Year Gone…

Another year. Gone. And Life continued on…

Hello, 2016. Hello to sun-ray, warm embrace of nature’s beauty…
Stillness, simplicity and being at peace. ~jh

With society on the edge of a fury, noise, anger, and making me have an increase of wanting more of nature.  I spent time with the stars, taking their portraits along with the Moon, Venus, Mars and the big guy, Jupiter. The simplicity of the night skies called to me this past year. The quietude of wonder in the stillness of the great vast horizons, known as the galaxy whispered to me many nights this past year. We got news from Pluto this year with love in a heart shape on the surface. What a guy! The energies of Pluto push us more toward ourselves, facing our truths.

The Dance.
Nature’s music and moves Grace to us
with the perfect plan for living…

Filled with motions and colors….
Balanced and filled with love, friendship and vision. 
Embrace the beauty of nature and allow yourself to live in its splendor. ~jenniferhillman

 

I know I let go of a few stories and situations not really working in my favor. And I survived and I know that I trust more after this past year. Trust myself with the uncertainty and unknown in my life as I trust my soul does know the right way. I am okay with myself now, have losing a few chips on my shoulders and finally being okay with the hard lessons of the last 15 years. I choose to take this path and what an amazingly bizarre path it has been.

(c)jenniferhillman.com 2015

(c)jenniferhillman.com 2015

I recently wrote up one of those stories for Eric Frances’ PlanetWaves.com Vision Quest yearly reading. My story is about this dream/ vision I had when I was 13 and it all happened. All the lessons, people and places in that dream I lived, including finding my invisible friend as a child is a real person. And he is living his dreams that we spoke about listening to music as we sat on my bed. It is an incredible moment to realize just how much you have lived your dreams and didn’t realize it until you take that moment with Silence, with your heart and soul and Listen to their whispers.

(c)jenniferhillman.com

(c)jenniferhillman.com

Those whispers I have said to the universe have made me take steps towards the unknown yet knowing it will be a better space for me. I have made decisions and in this year of completion coming up… it is all about completing unfinished “things” like projects I spoke to many people about… though some I have no interest in now. I will weed out more and clear the decks with the ones with passion still in the heart of them.

Passion is the goal of 2016 for me. To live more completely with passion
And share the love of life I have in a multitude of forms and ways that I can.

That is my true self speaking and knowing I have a good kind heart to assist people with their plan for this year. I do have a passion for coaching and supporting others’ dreams and seeing them thrive.

At the end of the childhood dream, which I haven’t completed yet, I sat in a rocking chair with a book in my lap, surrounded by the brightest light and filling totally loved, supported and in the right place. That simplicity of the stars was with me and I had made it to that heart space reality.

dark night 

In this year of completion, knowing life is not completed, but experienced and perception, I hope to spend more time with the stars to learn more of their secrets on simplicity with shining bright as a guide.

Steering aim to be more like the stars seems like a beautiful goal to me.

Happy New Year!
May this year, 2016 clear your mind so your heart has more of your attention
while you listen to your soul’s whispers.

(c)jenniferhillman.com

(c)jenniferhillman.com

Shifting Through of Being

Shifting Through of Being

rumi

 

 

Shifting through the sieve of being
shaking out the debris of living
feeling the stuckiness of some occurrences

knowing WRITE to correct the wrong
through the forgiveness reliefs

the pain , confusion and misunderstandings
filter through the mirrors of deceptions
the illusions of what real and what is pretend
reaching within while looking out
the creation of wonders,
of beauty and grace
collections of experiences
from bizarre to miraculous

smiling with disbelief
at the imagination gone wild
finding the truth of the game
we each must go through
following a path

leading us back to center
maze within the maze

of dreams within the dream
continuing to wonder
the line between sanity and insane
blurriness of the edge
with the grandeur of living
riding through the happenings and occurrences
at times, feeling the thrill
and the depths of depression

in the heart of it all
the pulse of love
in all its dimensions
expanding us out
mingling with emotions and feelings

we choose
to express those precious realizations

of the miracle of being here

and the oneness we are

Love gets us through

Even in death

Love remains with us
We all know this is true.

With this awakening, the shifting and pain
releasing the unwanted

Yet knowing it was good

To have that experience

Even for one second…

Manifesting our journey
The adventure continues

Centering the love

For love is the only constant

We got. ~jh

Celebrating The Sweet Things

Celebrating The Sweet Things

oatmeal cranberry: brown sugar drops; snickeradoodles

oatmeal cranberry: brown sugar drops; & snickeradoodles

 

 

New light upon the dawn as the heart opens to the grand new adventure.

Being born a week before Christmas has its mixed reviews as any of the many friends who share my birthday can tell you. Lots of celebrations, yet is it for me or the other great events at the end of the year. I decided many a moon ago to celebrate everyday as my birthday and not really focus on just one day. Every day I wake up, I am starting again and again, I celebrate having that new day.

On this day, I tend to bake. I love to bake sweet things and this is my way of celebrating by baking and giving the sweet things away… in gratitude to the people who are passing through or have passed through my journey. I think about the sweet things in life as I mix the dough of Chocolate chip cookies, Oatmeal Cranberry Bars and one of my favorite, Mexican Wedding Cakes which are also known as Russian Tea Cakes. Yum.

I spend time reflecting and writing while the cookies bake. Looking through the memories, goals achieved or not; knowing I just need to have fun. I have gone through a lot in the last few years. Lots of loss or was it really? Overall, I regain my sanity this last year through reconnecting with myself and my loves in life, my passions.

A decade ago, I was told in a dream to remember my childhood dreams of what I wanted to do. I am amazed on how many of those dreams have come true and experienced them. Some I continue with on a weekly part of my life; my radio show. I wanted to be on the radio. I wanted to support my friends and their creativity. I am doing that with great joy.

So are you living out your childhood dreams? If not, do what you can to do that. Please the inner child who loves you more than anyone else and who needs you more than anyone else. Magic lives with the child. They have an amazing imagination and sense to create magic out of nothing.  That is what birthdays (and every day) are about…

Celebrating our creative child and let it out to play.
Enjoy your weekend and the wonderful sweet things in life. ~jh

 

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