“The Artist is no other than he who unlearns what he has learned, in order to know himself.” ~E.E. Cummings
Minutes before the Full Moon in Gemini, I was listening to this inner voice saying so clearly, “ you will get about $2000 for your car.” The song “Can’t stop the Feeling” by Justin Timberlake came on the radio, as different cars’ part flashed on my head and then suddenly the car in front of me stopped. I turned my car to the right to avoid it and clipped the bumper.
I said, “Okay, Universe, let me be surprised by the wonderful new things you have planned for me. “
I had been in good spirit and even after the accident, I continued to be focused and deliberate in action. I called 911, asked the other car if anyone was hurt, got my insurance information out, called my mom to come pick me up. I checked again with the young woman who hadn’t had an accident before and told them the routine. Attempted to ease her mind that she is fine and the car can easily be fixed.
It was all automatic for me. It was the third time and the last time (thank you Universe) for a totaled car. 2001, my Trooper has a mechanical failure and the car rolled over. I walked away. In 2003, while driving down from Oregon on a road trip with friends, a drunk driver hit us. I walked away. Though I did get the reminder of “You are loved and loved! Don’t forget that.” I haven’t and get a clue just how much this is true.
Throughout this last year, I had looked at cars and always back to the fact; I really love my little 2005 Spectra Five. I had just thought about replacing the tint on the windows and maybe a new paint job. This car fits me, though now I had outgrown the energy of this car and deserved something a little nicer. The Spectra Five now was cleared out and gone.
I am so thankful and grateful I am open to receive something new. I obviously release attitudes and things that had held me back from true progress. I have planted many seeds in my career, personal life… well, in all areas of my life; All with gratitude.
Now, I am, in a way, forced to sit still, without a car and focus on my new life and the new story I am co-creating now. 2016, year of completion, truly was a year of closing the chapters on many years of the good, the bad and lots of ugly. The ugliest of all the contrast I had release now, seeing the damage and growth in my journey. 2017 is the year of new creation, new adventures, and new story.
And as E.E. Cummings said, I have unlearned things I had learned and realized more of who I am through this year of review and closure. I am grateful for all of it and thankful for the insights and lessons I had been blessed with and understand now more about the power I hold dear.
Remembering the sweetness I have added to people’s lives, the smiles, comfort, the confirmation, inspiration, and strength. I have often heard from people since kids signed yearbooks “You are so sweet. Please don’t change.” In the past, it felt like an obligation to be “sweet” or kind. Now it is an honor and a gift to share kindness and be just “me.”
Now focusing on keeping my word to myself first and then to others, all in service to the highest good. Having integrity means much to me and I have seen how I had punished myself when I felt out of it. Settling for less in all areas of my life is a change I am making. I deserve the best. Only the best.
I have manifested many wonderful things. I asked the Universe for a change agent to assist me in realigning myself to receive the best by being the best I can be. A wonderful teacher came back into my life and I am now finishing up her brilliant class, “Thirty days to a Charmed Life.” Bernadette Dickenson has been a good friend and a wonderful teacher/coach. We all need support. I am grateful for hers at the closing of this completing year. She is starting another one in January if you are interested.
2017 is a one year… a new story… new adventures and new possibilities. So write your new story. You know I am and I plan on writing more this new year. Enjoy creating yours.
“Words transform both speaker and hearer; they feed energy back and forth and amplify it. They feed understanding or emotion back and forth and amplify it.” Ursula K. Le Guin
April 2017 UPDATE: After realizing how much the local dealerships add onto the cost of the car… I told the Universe the right car for me is a private seller. I let go and went on with other things. I was still hearing from many people about getting the car. I focused on other things. One late afternoon, I decide out of the blue to go for a walk. along the way, I met up with a neighbor driving in who stopped to chat. He was selling his 2012 Honda Accord loaded with most of the things I was looking for plus more. The price was right and within a week, I got my car from a private seller at the right price.
The Full Moon whispered to me, “Trust and be honest with yourself, your projects, ideas and, most importantly, the truth about who you are now… and who you are to be.”
I sat in the chilly morning light, feeling that sinking feeling about where I am right now. The dreams of all the missteps and mistakes — I mean, lessons — I have learned along the way to this point in my life.
The feeling of frustration grew as I realized where I am and the visions I have seen of my future, where I may have been, aren’t aligned. I keep changing my mind out of convenience, and at the end of this or that road, the 2×4 waited for me.
Having taken responsibility for the paths I have taken, I gave myself permission to be the rebel, yet somehow the pressures of societal obligations beat me down. And this is the place I have been in for a while.
The highs and lows of this manic existence haven’t helped.
Tears, writing and making a new plan of directions… reevaluating that vision I had and the passion I still hold for it gets me to a space between worlds and looking for some balance in it all.
Balance is one of the themes of this Full Moon in Libra. I have been reading about this Full Moon vibe being about relationships… mainly a relationship with yourself, your path/journey and making peace with where you are now.
I am releasing the critic inside with forgiveness for those missteps and repeating lessons, simply finding my priorities in my current state, letting go of the past thoughts and ideas except for the ones echoing from my soul.
Am I hearing my soul? Did I listen to my soul correctly the last time I was in this spot?
Yet, I don’t think I have been at this spot before, except for the echoing ideas that seem to cling to me.
As the ascension slowly moves through the cycles and circles of life’s journey, I look backward to see how much I have grown within the silence.
The Full Moon and the silence seem to be conspiring together right now and laughing at this situation. The urgency for completion of projects and ideas sweeps over me like a fever.
I work and get interrupted by the physical world’s needs. That is the frustration building inside me in this moment. As the famous line of Greta Garbo from Grand Hotel goes, “I want to be alone.”
The Full Moon sees this, and the eclipsing energies in my house of service aren’t helping me complete my priorities or allowing me that alone time I so need. Yet service to others is a priority, right? I stop and count my blessings.
Breathe in, recenter and continue.
I am getting closer to completing some of those projects, including another book of poetry named 30, an online class of shadow work, and knowing those books halfway completed are getting done.
I am remembering to breathe, walking in nature, listening to the wind whispering magical ideas and insights to me, and enjoying this process.
The Full Moon whispered to me in the morning, allowing and reminding me about all the situations I’ve been through… and that’s it… I got through it all. I am still here, giving, surrendering and being present to the magic around me.
One of the most repeated thoughts I have is, Live Your Magic. And that is exactly what my priority is. Live and Be Magic.
Lie down with Mother Nature Feel the sweet embrace of her Beingness the vastness of possibilities with Father Sky above Be at peace with your magic, dwelling deep within you. Allow yourself to melt into one All your aspects with the Divinity of Love. Be at peace with all you are and will be.
Hello, 2016. Hello to sun-ray, warm embrace of nature’s beauty… Stillness, simplicity and being at peace. ~jh
With society on the edge of a fury, noise, anger, and making me have an increase of wanting more of nature. I spent time with the stars, taking their portraits along with the Moon, Venus, Mars and the big guy, Jupiter. The simplicity of the night skies called to me this past year. The quietude of wonder in the stillness of the great vast horizons, known as the galaxy whispered to me many nights this past year. We got news from Pluto this year with love in a heart shape on the surface. What a guy! The energies of Pluto push us more toward ourselves, facing our truths.
The Dance. Nature’s music and moves Grace to us with the perfect plan for living… Filled with motions and colors…. Balanced and filled with love, friendship and vision. Embrace the beauty of nature and allow yourself to live in its splendor. ~jenniferhillman
I know I let go of a few stories and situations not really working in my favor. And I survived and I know that I trust more after this past year. Trust myself with the uncertainty and unknown in my life as I trust my soul does know the right way. I am okay with myself now, have losing a few chips on my shoulders and finally being okay with the hard lessons of the last 15 years. I choose to take this path and what an amazingly bizarre path it has been.
(c)jenniferhillman.com 2015
I recently wrote up one of those stories for Eric Frances’ PlanetWaves.com Vision Quest yearly reading. My story is about this dream/ vision I had when I was 13 and it all happened. All the lessons, people and places in that dream I lived, including finding my invisible friend as a child is a real person. And he is living his dreams that we spoke about listening to music as we sat on my bed. It is an incredible moment to realize just how much you have lived your dreams and didn’t realize it until you take that moment with Silence, with your heart and soul and Listen to their whispers.
(c)jenniferhillman.com
Those whispers I have said to the universe have made me take steps towards the unknown yet knowing it will be a better space for me. I have made decisions and in this year of completion coming up… it is all about completing unfinished “things” like projects I spoke to many people about… though some I have no interest in now. I will weed out more and clear the decks with the ones with passion still in the heart of them.
Passion is the goal of 2016 for me. To live more completely with passion And share the love of life I have in a multitude of forms and ways that I can.
That is my true self speaking and knowing I have a good kind heart to assist people with their plan for this year. I do have a passion for coaching and supporting others’ dreams and seeing them thrive.
At the end of the childhood dream, which I haven’t completed yet, I sat in a rocking chair with a book in my lap, surrounded by the brightest light and filling totally loved, supported and in the right place. That simplicity of the stars was with me and I had made it to that heart space reality.
In this year of completion, knowing life is not completed, but experienced and perception, I hope to spend more time with the stars to learn more of their secrets on simplicity with shining bright as a guide.
Steering aim to be more like the stars seems like a beautiful goal to me.
Happy New Year! May this year, 2016 clear your mind so your heart has more of your attention while you listen to your soul’s whispers.
{~ Redita Nesvarbu}
(c)jenniferhillman.com
(c)jenniferhillman.com
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