Walking with my Shadow

shadow 2 @jenniferhillman

“Your life will be transformed when you make peace with your shadow. The caterpillar will become a breathtakingly beautiful butterfly. You will no longer have to pretend to be someone you’re not. You will no longer have to prove you’re good enough. When you embrace your shadow you will no longer have to life in fear. Find the gifts of your shadow and you will finally revel in all the glory of your true self. Then you will have the freedom to create the life you have always desired.” ~Debbie Ford

 

Lots of changes, processing and observing has happened within many of us. People come and go as people fulfill the shared agreement or found some kind of new understand with people. Perhaps it is just more distance between or the form of conversation change as the friendships are evolving. It is all part of the transition we all are feeling late.

It has been no different for me. I normally would be writing about the process and observation as it occurs, yet this time, I knew I need quiet in my reflections. Especially when two trusted healers to tell me there is a childhood wound in the process of healing and the scab has been just pulling off. OUCH! Why did I do that?

I really thought I was done processing and healing that one!?

Repeating affirmations and gaining some reasons for the continuing angst of my inner child, we regained the connection into whole again. As this process was going on, out of the shadows came a black cat. Long slender like a Black Panther or Jaguar (the energy of reclaiming your power), he came to greet me one early morning as I returned from my walking meditation. It was still rather dark out and I didn’t see him yet, just a quick movement to the bush. Slowly he approaches with an easy stroke and attitude. I touched him and he purred loudly. Laying his head on my shoulder as I stroke his black body, he loved the attention. He reminded me of another cat who appeared out of nowhere, full of love I named Shadow. This Shadow stayed around so I gave him some food and water. He soon found a mouse (details) and chased it. I got the mouse away from him only to turn around to find the mouse in Shadow’s mouth again.

Each morning, Shadow would greet me with a loud meow. I would pick him up and go on my walking meditation with Shadow in my arms. Listening to the consisted rolling music from this Shadow as he looked around from a high perspective that the surroundings gave me insights to at my inner wounds from a higher place to reflect just what was I gaining from this story hindering my life. Why was it repeating into this time or was this like a test to see my reaction or response to it? It was a month between the two healers told me about the lingering angst of my inner child. She was reflecting my feelings about my life and all the pieces seeming missing. The hiding inside and lurking with wonder at what do I want to do now.

@jenniferhillman2015

The walks continued for a week when another black cat, smaller in size, yet the same demeanor appeared at my door. Friendly and hungry, playful and full of curious, like myself after looking from a different perspective with my inner child, not just at my inner child. Integration with the fighter inside, longing to be heard was taking place. Soon, the original larger Shadow wasn’t around as much as the little Shadow was sticking around all day, laying on a child out front, waiting peacefully for something to intrigue him.

I continued walking, joined by now both Shadows, running, climbing trees and chasing each other. Cats are the independent spirit with mischievous nature of magic. Black is all the colors mixed together and the purity of going within to be in the light.

Signs are always around you if you are aware of your environment. Subtle awareness of things being different from before and opening your mind to the consciousness of your truth assists the process. As you embrace your life, walk with your shadow, you find the magic returns and manifestation of joy comes with intentions.

PS: The cats are owned by a neighbor who leaves the window open for them. They are safe and well taken care of by the entire neighborhood. I call them “the community therapy cats”.