(c)jenniferhillman 2015

(c)jenniferhillman 2015

“Imagination travels in world unknown and uncreated.
Birth of reality comes in each moment by moment.” ~jh

I sat on the shore, watching the boats go by: Some sped by, focused on the fast motion while the sailboats seemed directed yet aimless. Directed by the winds and allowing it to carry them where it was best to go while enjoying the ride. This seems like good metaphors for life. You are the creator of your journey. Your thoughts and acceptance of your situation, your response to the waves of life tell you how the life is responding to you.

Again, I am coming to the understanding of the depth of choices made and the consequences of those moments. I accepted that I created those moments of pain, tears and lost to experience those emotions and insights for compassion for self and others.

When we so focus on the goal, we can hold tight to things around us that are actually holding us back from experiencing that goal and victory. Many times we don’t realize the consequences of those choices until we get a tap of our shoulders to let go. As soon as we do, all the pieces fall into place and victory is at hand. Yet, many choose to struggle, get frustrated by the endless delays and wonder why?

For me, I was pushed into the edge and the only way out was to let go and let the life I knew and held onto go, releasing ego and pride, those things I thought made my image, when in reality, they were all just things collecting dust and like the ego had little value as I was.

Now I didn’t lose my value, in truth. I had lost the appreciation of life through holding onto that “image.” When the debt piled up, the less I felt about myself. The more I got the calls from the creditors, the angrier I got and the less business I got. It was a vicious cycle. I didn’t trust myself, or the Universe. In fact, I trusted the Universe less and force things my way.

I laugh now at the depression and pity parties I had along the way and see how and why many friends disappeared. I found the meaning of family again and the importance of having a family. The form of the family can be comprised of those true friends understood and stood by me. Healing took place and the heart opens again. Others watch me fall; only criticizing me. They appeared again after the dust at cleared, yet the relationship is different now. The winds in my sails ended for me and I learned from it. I cruised as the lapping waves became my guidance. I learned to trust myself and the waves… and go with the flow.

“Let Go…. And Let it find you.
Stop running in the wrong direction.
Stop, turn around… and open your heart widely.” ~jh

I now see friends in many speedboats, while holding onto people and things that are only adding air into the engine. I have learned that is their lesson to learn and I can only compassionately support them while they learn. I am standing by them, supporting them as I can without entangling myself. I will help them stand up again, dust them off as my friends did for me. Some are slowly changing their ways with the reality check of their boats are made known to be at the breaking point. They have moved away from the pressure point and saw what they valued most in their lives and have some of the people are just holding them back through their own lessons needing to be learned.

I watch myself these days with what I am holding onto in my life. My true friends and family are still there. We understand the give and take of what friendships are and like minded.

I have come to value and trust myself through lessons from those windless days. I slowed down and listen to my higher self and Universe for the clues. Let my ego be in balance with the world I am creating. I listen to different people who resonate and support me on this new journey as I focus on which way the wind are blowing my sails and let those fast boats just move by, hoping they are safe as I enjoy the view along the way.

“Within the darkness and the fog of the mind lives the genius of creative brilliance.”~jh

You are the captain of your boat…
“Captain” by Dave Matthews Band

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